Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day, Mary my wife and I went into town and visited a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a dumb ass. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.

So Mary called him a shit head.  He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes.

The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

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New Heavy Element


Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium, has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.


Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.


When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Yep, we respect our political representatives at about the same level as used car sales men. So time to change that. Very funny place this I am laughing all the way!

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('elcomputador'), because:

1.. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Economic Models Explained Using Goats

You have 2 goats.
You give one to your neighbor.


You have 2 goats.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

You have 2 goats.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

You have 2 goats.
The State takes both and shoots you.

You have 2 goats.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

You have two goats.
You sell one and buy a kid. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

You have two goats.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four goats.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the goat has dropped dead.

You have two goats.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four goats back, with a tax exemption for five goats. The milk rights of the six goats are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven goats back to your listed company. The annual
report says the company owns eight goats, with an option on one more.
You sell one goat to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine goats. No balance sheet is provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

You have two goats.
You go on strike, organize a riot and block the roads, because you want three goats.

You have two goats.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary goat and produce twenty times the
milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Goatkimon' and market it worldwide.

You have two goats.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

You have two goats, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

You have two goats.
You count them and learn you have five goats. You count them again and learn you have 42 goats. You count them again and learn you have 2 goats.
You stop counting goats and open another bottle of vodka.

You have two goats.

Then you have 5000 goats. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

You have two goats.
You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high caprine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

You have two goats.
You worship them.


You have two goats.
Both are mad.

You have two goats.
The one on the left looks very attractive


You have two goats. Your government decrees that both goats belong to either/or The Government, and/or The Corporation, but let's you watch over the goats for them only after they have implanted an RFID Chip
in the goats so they can track their property.... ... and they sell you back some of your goat's milk.

And your government, along with powerful globalized corporations owned by the fuedal lords and ladies, mortgages your children's goats, and in turn their children's children's goats. They will have to pay dearly to get some goat's milk, but you will be long dead and gone when most of that occurs, so your descendants will not be able to kick your ass for being a Sheeple by not waking up and warning them, because by then, the best they will be able to do is piss on your grave for leaving them a terrible future.

The Government/Coporation Borg

will be willing to sell your descendants back some of the goat's milk as they live in their pod in the hive within
the matrix; in exchange for their submission, and tribute such as carbon taxes and so forth, and payment from the sweat of their brow.

The global corporations blessed by your national government and the global government, in effect have sold you and your descendants in to slavery.

Dear Valued Email Customer

We have a epic case of dickface in all our mailservers. We lost your password.

You can still check your email to read this message despite us losing it..somehow (>_<)..yea k.

Please, send me your email address (cos we lost that too) and your password.

Also, while you're at it. We require your bank username and password.

Un-named employee of Company You Have Never Heard Of Limited

What about the extremely deserving member of a persecuted African 'royal family'(usually from Nigeria) who has millions of $ to give away & needs your bank a/c details?

Where the Reptiles Rule

The final flypast of the Harrier Jump jet - after the announcement of the withdrawal of it’s funding.
 Look at it from an angle or squint.  Brilliant!!!


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