Very Large Array, New Mexico




South-African/Canadian Entrepreneur Elon Musk shocked the world last week...using both direct and alternating currents...with his purchase of the entire U.S. military, for an unprecedented cash outlay of $700 Trillion usd. "I had to break into my piggy bank for this one, but what the heck...it's for a good cause", Musk replied when asked if this move would affect him financially. This deal, brokered by Goldman-Sachs, significantly shifts the balance of global economic and geo-political power.

In this transaction Musk has gained ownership of

1) 10,234 nuclear missiles

2) 874 battleships, destroyers and aircraft carriers

3) 278 nuclear submarines

4) 423 satellites

5) 290 high-powered microwave transmitters

6) 78,944 DEW's (directed energy weapons)

7) 776,930,544 drones

8) 27,885 fighter planes and bombers

9) 872,775 tanks

10) 10,467,288 personnel in the 'big four' armed services

11) 17,556,833 bureaucratic functionaries

12) 234,445 military intelligence personnel

13) 88,334,678 assorted guns

14) 2,234,456,787,002 rounds of ammunition

15) 946 official and 3,344 unofficial military bases in over 200 countries

16) 87,009,655 drums of nerve gas 

17) 234,556,812 flame throwers

18) 665,778,933 grenades

19) 543,981,245 land and sea mines

20) 776,901,664 canisters of germ warfare brew

21) 778,990 $3000 screw-drivers

22) the science and engineering departments of every major college and university

23) controlling stock in most major corporations and banks

24) the Pentagon

25) Hollywood

26) the CIA, NSA, NGA and other assorted TAO's

27) 887,993,566 remotely-controlled dolphins, donkeys, snakes, spiders and amoebas

28) the 'next generation' of administration secretly installed since 9/11

29) thousands of 'top secret', 'classified' and 'black budget' projects (some of which Musk has already been involved in, like the reverse engineering of interstellar space-craft)

(source: CIA's Fun Facts to Know and Tell 2017)

Musk is quoted as saying "I'm confident that I got a really good deal, all in all...even I was a little surprised by what all was included in the package. It even has a money-back guarantee. If I'm not happy with its performance I can return it within 60 days, no questions asked, as long as nothing is damaged or has scratches."

When asked about the 112,334,445,755,866,644,433,888,976,002.01 barrels of oil that are included with the purchase...enough to power the entire U.S. military machine for several hundred years and worth $700 trillion usd alone...Musk replied, "That'll do for now, but once the war's over, we won't be needing all those hydro-carbons..."

War? What war?

"You might be wondering what I'm going to do with the world's most powerful military under my direct control. You guessed it...WE'RE GOING TO WAR ON 'CLIMATE CHANGE, which is clearly the biggest enemy humanity has ever faced, other than alien invaders from a dying planet. No more pussy-footing, enough is enough. We are going to hit climate change right in its sorry ass and blow it to smithereens. We are going to blast it with everything we've got. We are going to kick it's ass AND in its nuts. We are going to rip 'at turkey's face clean off. We are going to KILL IT DEAD. Go ahead, CC...make my day. If CC thinks it can get away with any more F5 hurricanes on custom trajectories, terrible floods, heat waves that wont' let up or other extreme weather...well, it's got another thing coming. By the way, CC don't surf."

We asked Musk if he was concerned about the ecological foot-print and environmental damage that the U.S. military is responsible for, being by far the greatest polluter on the planet.

"If the war goes according to plan, none of this is going to matter. I may as well spill the beans. See, our strategy is straightforward: NO CLIMATE = NO CLIMATE CHANGE. We are going to decapitate climate change by getting rid of the Earth's atmosphere, because with no atmosphere climate change will have no theatre of engagement, no platform from which to attack. What could make more sense? Those millions of drums of radio-active waste, discarded munitions, derelict artillery, sunken ships and subs, all that lead and DU lying around...all that will magically shoot off into space never to be seen or heard from again. Smooth, eh?"

When queried about the possible consequences to life on Earth from the destruction of the atmosphere, Musk retorted, "Collateral damage, that's all I can say. Sad but true, this is something that the military has had to live with for decades, especially since the advent of weapons of mass destruction. The Pentagon's top brass have all shared heart-felt grief and admit to having trouble sleeping at night...but...hey, war is war.

We wondered if the sudden change of command of the world's most powerful military, believed by many to be the greatest peace-keeping and environmental stewardship force ever to exist, might create a window of opportunity for evil dictators to have a go at Uncle Sam. 'No way. At this point, the government of every other country in the whole wide world has pledged allegiance to our cause...even North Korea...Miracle of miracles, we've finally found the one true COMMON ENEMY TO UNITE US ALL IN A WAR ON IT.

All options are on the table, by the way, including nuclear, which we believe has the greatest potential for a quick annihilation of Earth's entire atmosphere. Sure all larger life forms from all kingdoms will be killed straight away, but life in the ocean will be able to hang on a while longer, I mean those that don't need oxygen, like the cyanobacteria on the deep sea vents. They'll be fine, at least until the ocean evaporates into space. Which is where our command and control centre will be located."

We asked Musk about the widespread loss of human life, almost everyone including all military personnel themselves. "You see, war has never been pretty. It's a duty to God, country, and Climate Change, to put one's life on the line in the service of a higher calling. To protect life by destroying it has pretty much been the bottom line of the U.S. military all along. This is nothing new, merely the ultimate sacrifice writ large. Besides, we'll be fulfilling the dream of the eugenicist forefathers by finally accomplishing almost total depopulation, a goal they've been working to achieve all through the 20th century."

"Besides, me and my crew will be fine in orbit. We'll have plenty of attractive women to facilitate a gradual repopulation in our Mars colony, should we go with the option of retaining biological life, as opposed to the next generation of GMO life-forms that our friends at Monsanto have just come out with." Musk's crew is reported to include such climate change heavy weights as NASA's James Hanson, Church of Climatology priest and Club of Rome member Al Gore, and trans-humanist visionary Ray Kurzweil who will be Director of HTLF (How To Live Forever) Research. Inside sources are saying that Dr. Strangelove himself might be there, as well as Nicola Tesla, who is believed to have been transported off-planet by the same aliens who gave him the idea for alternating current and who will not have aged a day due to traveling at near-light velocities since 1943.

"See, our vision is first to eradicate the Earth's atmosphere and oceans, leaving only the lithosphere, which, much to its credit, is not susceptible to climate change. Then we will rebuild civilization from scratch using advanced geo-engineering techniques and terra-forming based on hydrogen bombs and 3D printers. And the new trans-human population will be laughing because the automobiles they will be driving won't need batteries.

See, the greatest problem we will have solved by eliminating the Earth's atmosphere is the weakening of sunlight it is responsible for. With no atmosphere, the sunlight will be strong as and our fleet of trans-cars will need only solar panels. Of course, they will have really good heaters as well, since the nights will be close to minus 300 C with no atmosphere, but that's a minor complication. We've got all this stuff thought out pretty well, pretty scientific eh?"

When asked about climate change deniers and skeptics, Musk was adamant: "We have a stance of zero tolerance for those unpatriotic wankers. How dare they not believe. Our new Climate Protection Agency will be deploying the latest in Denier Denial technologies to take care of those clowns. And once they've been reprogrammed, they'll be stationed on the front lines and taught how to fire death rays and let off nuclear bombs."

We had time for one more question before Musk departed in his state of the art electric helicopter (which has solar electricity blue-toothed to it) to have a look at the 'Musk Purchase' as this deal is being referred to.

We asked Mr. Musk where he came up with the idea of using the U.S. military to wage war on climate change by eliminating the Earth's atmosphere.

"I'll let you in on a little secret. Remember that movie Contact that had Jodie Foster playing a radio astronomer who received a signal from out yonder? Vega as I remember. Well, not many people know that after that film Jodie went back to college and got a Ph.D. in radio astronomy. She's been working at not only Arecibo and the VLA, but also at my own private radio-telescope installation in the mountains above Kruger National Park. Guess what? A few years ago she received a series of highly sophisticated and deeply encrypted messages from somewhere out there which, after being decoded by my own personal bank of HAL, SAL and Cray super-duper computers, turned out to be...get this: not blueprints on how to build an inter-dimensional transport device like in Contact, but instructions, flow-charts and algorithms all expressed in perfect mathematical form on a new type of highly intelligent smart software previously unknown on this planet. We have successfully transcribed the codes and uploaded it into our computer bank, and now the system is telling us exactly what to do. It gave us the idea of battling climate change by eliminating the Earth's atmosphere, but that's only the beginning. Rather than rebuilding civilization along the lines of what we have now, only with GMO and 3D printed life-forms and structures, this 'intelligence', which we are calling 'TESLA'...Terminating Every Single Life-form Algorithm...is strongly recommending that we cover the entire surface of the Earth will solid-state electronic circuitry, creating a planet-wide super-duper computer network with a mind of its own which will then move the Earth...no longer to be called Earth but MUSK...Mutated Understanding in Search of Knowledge...out of orbit to go in search of other entities like itself, in order to have a bit of company, kind of like a blind date. But this is another story...

"But now to the matter at hand: "GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH...CLIMATE CHANGE WE'RE GONNA DO YA'..."

Thank you Elon Musk.

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Comment by rose on December 9, 2017 at 8:14

I assure you Sandi - the contrail makes ZERO money - address your issues to the author who is the same guy that posted it.

Thanks Ger.

Comment by Gerry Paterson on October 14, 2017 at 12:38

Cheers Martin, yeah had to use all the little cells for that one...

When your council does what you are complaining about, thats when they are showing their TRUE colours, as of what importance is a "Budget" when the "money" is FAKE? The Ledger is FAKE too..

We live in a world of misallocation, full of "Businesses" that only exist because the money is free.

With HONEST money the Artist would be creating because S/He was inspired...and it would cost nothing, except perhaps donated REAL food...

THEY can never raise interest rates (the cost of money) to "normal" levels. That they control them at all is a carefully crafted illusion made possible by buying their own debt and trading PAPER (FAKE) Gold (between themselves) to offset imbalances while simultaneously suppressing its REAL value ( by creating Gold from nothing) so you can't see the LOSS of value in FAKE "money' (really makes you wonder why people "WESTERNERS" can't see this and buy Gold hand over fist?? - I blame Humanities major addiction: The "News")

The Shit sandwich is served when Interest rates go up in spite of all their efforts (you can't buy your own debt forever - its beyond proven that QE is a failure - and ALL the Gold has gone to China). That will be THE END of "Credit" as repayment of debts will become all but impossible UNLESS you have PHYSICAL Gold or Silver.

The sad thing is that this has happened many times before - if History was taught people would know this - and the "solution" is always the same too= WAR.

Thats why I continue to hammer the message that FAKE money is our worst enemy as it DESTROYS the value/quality of everything (including LIFE itself) and might yet destroy us.

So the race is on (and has been for ages) will it all collapse spontaneously or will they manage to institute an even bigger CON in time, to enslave us beyond all imagination and - yet again- make us pay for their Caviar and Truffles.

While you STILL HAVE a choice; get rid of FAKE money, Convert to REAL money. Its the ONE defence you have that still exists.

Picture this:

THEY (FAT PIGS) are smugly laughing at you (while sipping Cognac and smoking Cuban) knowing you have fallen rod reel and all for the CON and won't buy the CHEAP metals, instead coveting the worthless paper they printed on their HP in the basement -- Hahahahahaha!! 

God (ME) its good to use those cells!

Now go and get Silver @ NZ$ 28 per OZ (Silver Fern Coin today) for the INDISPENSABLE Metal without which Cellphones, Computers, Cruise Missiles, Solar Panels, Biocides would NOT WORK! (AND which US$ is DEFINED in!!)

 No WONDER its so cheap eh?

Courtesy of History's beyond all comparison largest SHORT POSITION/Paper Silver - in short (haha) the biggest CON on Earth (apart from your Berth Certificate)

Just keep it (and get more with all disposable income) for when the sandwiches turn brown, when its TRUE Value will be known.

This writing is my War Effort, if you wish to DONATE an OZ of .9999 Silver will do nicely, Cheers! 

Comment by Martin Harris on October 14, 2017 at 9:57

Well said Gerry.

Comedy, like art, is very subjective. Some will appreciate, and others won't. One person sees a bit of spilt paint, another sees the answer to meaning of life!

(This is why I object to our local Council spending millions of dollars on "public art installations" when our infrastructure is still broken seven years after the quakes!)

I have to say that Jeff W's satirical post has certainly generated plenty of interest. In that respect, it is a very successful piece of satirical comment.

Comment by Gerry Paterson on October 13, 2017 at 23:12

I'm sorry I jumped on you Sandi, I think it was the money accusation that did it...

There are a lot of different ways of perceiving the world, one for each of us.

When things are tailored for a certain audience they are often boring for anyone else, like if you know you are going to watch a Comedy you have certain expectations, you expect to laugh if it is to your taste. This is the mundane "safe" way of doing things where you always know what to expect and end up killing yourself prematurely...

Nothing is a surprise or a genuine emotion or new and stimulating and I for one NEVER want to know what is coming next; a planned life is for Seniors on a Tour Bus and if that ever happens to me I am going to jump out the window and run away like that 100 year old Swedish dude.

As for "The Truth", what is that? It sounds good but is equally boring to know in advance. What do you then need a Brain for? Besides it is often Subjective too.

Its like all these "civilised" people who are not "awakened", maybe they are happier for not knowing "whats going on" or the truth? No one is getting out alive anyway...

I have met people who thought they were "awakened" and I felt sorry for them, it was obvious they thought they were better than me because they knew everything, and needed to make that known. What had really happened is that they had stopped learning and there was nothing further to say.

THE TIME has come to "rise up" eh? You want to know "The Truth" about the world?

Its a Painfully Beautifull Corrupt Cesspit.

People dream of Equality; pray that never happens. Another word for that is Homogenous, grey and boring like the inside of a Hot Dog Sausage, the most bacteria ridden "food" you can eat.

People dream of "Justice", when all there is is pointless Punishment. (Admiralty) "Laws" are made to be broken; corruption is a direct result of onerous laws that only apply to those not "connected". If you are connected enough tho you can engage in Genocide without the slightest risk of repercussion.

Laws preempt personal RESPONSIBILTY. Anarchy is the only true free state. Try saying that to your Mother In Law... 

People dream of UNITY, Equality's ugly cousin; that will never happen either. Go check out an Anthill, that is unity! Luckily we STILL HAVE FREE WILL.

Fighting TPTB is not an option tho, because thats what they want; your participation, in whatever form it takes;  keep that meat grinder churning, you might even get on the News! Great for the ratings...

Since there was a plea for some "solution" I will offer mine: Don't go to the Show! Go your own way, we don't need THEIR "System".

"Civilisation" stopped being an asset to Humanity when we had killed off ALL the Land Animals and polluted everything for paper tokens to buy "food" when we should be making it ourselves. Its important to realise that this "civilisation" is failing and we can't stop it or change that while at the same time being dependent on it! 

What we need is mass DIVORCE.

Want a job? Look after yourself, take responsibility for every action, thats a job.

Don't bother with other people. They are co opted and will fight you (on TPTB behalf) as long as EVERYONE is invested, thats what the participation is all about. They had all this worked out long before we were born, the only thing you can do is walk away and be HAPPY about it, and wait to see if anyone joins you...

Do the OPPOSITE of everything they say, thats the easiest, most effective (AND cheapest) way to fight back. DO NOT OBEY

Remember, money - and its not even real money - is only a means of exchange. If you exchange it for misery and shit food does that mean you are rich?? There is no such thing as rich bastards, only bastards.

Being Rich, is realising that nothing matters except looking after you and yours and not needing any of their crap, specially not the "money": thats the ball and chain!

Next thing you know, YOU are the Rich Bastard....

So....if EVERYTHING in this life centres around, and constantly urges you, to:


What is the hidden agenda? 

What are they selling? (hint-they make it from nothing)


They want you to spend ALL your time acquiring something that costs them NOTHING to produce and that they can make WORTHLESS AT WILL!

Solution: Get the opposite, whatever it is that they HATE (but secretly sleep with) and want you to hate too!

The things they have no control over, REAL Money: Gold and Silver.

 They have then lost their Power and Control over YOU and this is the most direct and beneficial (for you) way of fighting them since THEIR despicable "Governance" is dependent on YOU acquiescing to be governed and DEPENDANT and invested in their CON, without that, it falls over.

Every other avenue is co opted even Revolution, if you try their laws against them they just change them or invoke National Security, it has been done many times and has been written into law since the 1930's.

Refuse to participate in THEIR Selective Genocide. If you're looking for an EASY solution, sorry I aint got one...

Comment by Martin Harris on October 13, 2017 at 21:21

Sandi Cooke: Interesting you mentioned the alleged "War of The Worlds" mass panic as I've just addressed that issue here:


Comment by Helena M Jordan on October 13, 2017 at 20:55
Comment by cats pajamas on October 13, 2017 at 20:18

Well put Sandi, yes we are all up against it alright.

I guess some of us have developed the warped sense of humour coping strategy.

Judging from Martins last comment this lesson may have been well learned...make the joke a little clearer next time. Perhaps.

Comment by Sandi Cooke on October 13, 2017 at 20:05

 Yes I CAN tell when something is not serious. I mean there is not enough cash in the world!!and yes of course things like the screwdrivers and remote controlled donkeys are a give away. I have been around on this planet for a long time... just annoyed by the amount of crap you have to wade through to find REAL truth in times when we all really need to hear the truth. Fake news is everywhere and you tube is the worst so it is hard for anyone to wade through it. Remember what happened with the broadcasting of War of the Worlds? Well this kind of article for those not awakened could panic them into thinking it was real  but it seems that a lot of people out there are not educated to tell the difference and I think this site ought to stick to telling the truth printing real articles and making it a place and forum for awakened people to converse. A lot of joe public may have taken it as real but then again I doubt they would have been on any site like this to see it as most of them are still not awakened as to what is really going on on  this planet. There are enough amazingly unbelievable true stories out there without making them up. I was not inferring that this site made money but you tube does and I am sick of finding "NEW" posts on there that turn out to be old ones re posted by someone making a buck off someone else's post or just putting headings for click bait. Come on people we have a real issue here and we need real people to stand together to topple those doing the controlling.

Comment by cats pajamas on October 13, 2017 at 19:35

Everybody just CALM DOWN...just CALM the feck DOWN!

Did yous not read my thing about the remote controlled Donkeys? (Article 27). LOL

Still, it proves we are a passionate and justifiably pissed of bunch of individuals...even if sometimes we don't read things properly before we start jumping up and down.

Carry on as you were, might have got crossed wires but at least nobody round here is boring...

Comment by Martin Harris on October 13, 2017 at 18:00

Jeff and I had quite a bit of back and forth discussion before I published this at Uncensored because I knew from experience that some folk would take this clever piece of satire the wrong way.

As a result, Jeff has added a note of clarification to the item, which is now on both Jeff's original post and the Uncensored site copy.

It's a shame to have to go to such lengths to avoid a shitstorm, but such is life

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